i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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