he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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