i just had sex bonerless
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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