mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
