Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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