Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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