I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
