Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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