I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
this hospital has no fireball
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
