Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
she told me i tasted like america
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Randomize