His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
