i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
