i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
