I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
