He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
