Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
