Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I've blown a few things in my day
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
