tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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