party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
