Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
