we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
