Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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