i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
