I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
