Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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