Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
