You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
