He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
