i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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