You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
