It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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