I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
too bad you live with your parents still
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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