Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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