I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
