i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
