I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
