Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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