why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
