i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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