you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
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