it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
