I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
