what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
