i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
