God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
