I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
