yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
