I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
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