I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
