My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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