He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
