I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
